even my conditioning is conditioned.

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Nice Hair

I’ve always hated my hair.

Now that statement may have some exaggerated aspects to it but it’s mainly true, as a teen I hated having white women reaching out to touch my hair as they pleased like it was their right to “oh! Just touch it!” I still do.

I grew my hair out after always having it short to get my mother+ aunts off my back-” you need to look more feminine” “you have the nicest hair” “how will you ever find someone who likes you with hair like that?” etc. I did it to be left alone, that certainly didn’t mean I liked it.

It meant that after some especially traumatizing experiences in my first year of university with men I was more than inclined to rid myself of it and its imposed femininity , I took it on with gusto!

My friend Phil cut off my long long hair in a field with goats around us and as he was essentially shearing my head said “ I love when I cut a woman’s hair and she ends up shaving her head afterwards” I didn’t go that far but I had short hair again and I was shocked stoked! I loved having a curly bob, something to be constantly altered and picked at, ever changing with the weather.

That was about 5 years ago now, I have since grown my hair back but not in vain (har har) when I began training capoeira 2 years ago I decided that I wanted to grow my hair as the proverbial carrot- essentially once I could perform the acts (feats some might say) that I coveted I would cut my hair off as my reward. Said feats are still in progress, a solid cartwheel, an immovable handstand, and a good flying, spinning kick are all on my to-do, having long hair sometimes presents itself in my mind as protection, a weapon and a diversion to my opponents.. there is no science to that- it’s really my half-baked imagination but I subscribe nonetheless.

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One response »

  1. I like what you are saying about your long hair being a sort of protection – The women in my family often cut their hair in times of grief and pain – as if to shed it with the shearing of ones armour – definitely a kind of protection as well. You are amazing!!

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