The other day I watched “ Miss Representation” , I honestly can’t tell you what I think of it- I think partially I found it annoying, partially sad that it seems to remain a reality that the cycle of woman-hate both internally and externally is ever perpetuated.
But what it did spur in me were thoughts about who my role models were when I was younger and even those who I find myself admiring these days.
I was always when we played spice girls. Though I much preferred
for halloween or a retro day party I could be
I painfully remember a teacher once suggesting I be for a dress up day.
gr. 6 I fell in love with that is a crush that I still very strongly have, that one I am thankful for..
when I lived in the Yukon, working at the Black Market and really out and about I am asked if I might just be
in the trailer for MR I found no affiliation to the women shown, Rosario Dawson perhaps..but that , like the others is because out of the vaguest semblances she is someone who I vaguely see parts of my outward appearance in.
The ones aforementioned pain me because none of them are arab women, I’ve never had an arab (let alone muslim) woman role model.. makes me wonder how deep the self hate that I scrape my knees on every once in awhile goes. Seeing myself reflected in popular media has affected me more than I realized..as in I’ve never seen myself reflected in popular media as a young, independent arab woman raised in a north american context. It has been easier to adopt a ‘latina’ alias as people often assume thats my heritage and I don’t always feel the need to correct them especially when they don’t forward their assumption.
searching arab woman on google images brings me this..
it’s interesting to do this because it seems as though the theme of my role models has been black women and I just have no connection to the “arab woman” which could be the underlying cause of why I’ve spent so much money on hair removal, hair manipulation and identity confusion.
I don’t have a cohesive way to finish this right now.. I guess I’ll have to write more!